How many of us are great at solving someone else’s trauma and issues, but challenges in our own lives have us stumped? Quick answer…all of us!

We can become so overwhelmed and out of sync that we need others assistance in getting the help we need. Sometimes reaching up, reaching out and reaching within isn’t working. We are too close to the issues to understand what is really happening around us. Maybe our energies are completely used up which compounds our issues even more. We don’t know which way to turn.

This happened to me on several of occasions. I couldn’t find my way out of depression from my caregiving duties.  It was my family that noticed that I was not acting normally. I was no longer making good decisions.  It was an extremely difficult decision for them to realize that I needed more help than they could deliver and needed professional help.

My thought processes just were not working because I was too entrenched in my own trauma to see it. I knew things were off course but I didn’t know how to fix it. Of course becoming aware took a lot longer than it takes me to write these few paragraphs. The process was a slow gradual decline over a period of time.

My family had to “take the bull by the horns” and make the decision I needed professional help because it was beyond my awareness and scope of understanding at the time. They knew they too did not have the resources within them to resolve the trauma I was facing.

We are here on this earth to help each other, which means the “help road” goes in two directions. We need to listen to their concerns even though we may not agree.  I had to put my pride aside and allow them to help me AND to get professional help.

When we let others help us, it does not mean we are weak, it means we are wise enough to know we cannot and are not supposed to do it all. When we allow others to help us, it builds our families and friends self esteem. It builds a trust and a bond that holds them closer to our hearts. They have the opportunity to learn from us they do not have to be strong all the time. Getting professional help is okay too.

Being able to give AND receive is important to our healthy mental, physical, spiritual and emotional well being.  It builds strong and healthy relationships that can move you and your social network forward to the next level.

Janie Smith, Founder, Author of HOPE Beyond Trauma;

OHIO Regional Leader, HirePatriots.com

This will be the first in a series.

The Army touts how well they are doing, how well they are committed to taking care of the soldiers who have suffered during the past 10 years of warfare. A General Officer comes forward and says that he suffers from PTSD and that the Army is going to be making changes. All kinds of programs are developed and are put in place.

Well, as usual, the Army strikes again…so much for Wounded Warriors. One soldier, a Staff Sergeant with 16 years of service has six, count ‘em six combat tours, five in Iraq and one in Afghanistan.

In April 2004, during his second deployment, he was hit by an IED. They put band aids on his wounds gave him a Purple Heart and put him back to duty…but they forgot to give him his Combat Action Badge as it could not be verified that he was in combat…even though he got a Purple Heart.

In 2006, when he returned from his 4th deployment, he sought help at Ft Hood, TX and was diagnosed with PTSD. They held him back for a year gave him medications and some counseling but then transferred him to the 4^th Infantry Division in time to deploy for another year tour, his fifth tour in Iraq.  Two doctors stated that he should not go, they are over ruled. He is given medications and sent yet again into combat.

He comes home from deployment and is transferred to Ft Carson, CO. He was told it would be a two year stabilized tour. He is there for four months and is told the unit is deploying. This time, he is being sent to Afghanistan for a year. While there, he was awarded a Bronze Star.

When he returns from his sixth tour, he knows his issues are worsening and seeks help.  He calls Military One Source and they tell him they cannot help him since he had a previous PTSD diagnosis. He is assigned to Hawaii at Schofield Barracks and told this is a non-deployable unit. He reports in and is immediately informed that in the following year the unit is deploying to Guam for a year tour.

The good news is that they won’t be shooting back at him, the bad news is that he will be not be able to get the counseling he desperately needs. He sees a therapist in Hawaii; this therapist says that it may not be PTSD but a personality disorder. Personality disorder diagnosis is currently popular with the Army as a good way of discharging soldiers and cutting their forces to meet the draw-down mandate.

Who is to be believed, the original therapist who diagnosed the problem as PTSD? They needed soldiers NOW so forget two doctor’s recommendations that he should not go. Or the current therapist who comes up with the possible diagnosis of personality disorder so that he can be booted from the Army after 16 years of honorable service to our country. He didn’t have a personality disorder for 16 years of service.

Amazing isn’t it, he was good for combat…but not so now they need to get rid of a thousands of soldiers, 80,000 to be exact. What a GREAT way to thank our men and women for their service and keeping our country safe.

How many soldiers are “fine” after six combat tours or after one or two combat tours? It’s time to stand up for them and take care of them. When they call for help, they need help NOW. The process of asking for help is not an easy process. By the time the soldier gets the courage to ask for help, he has needed help for a very long time.

The sad point here, it’s not only this soldier that needs help, there are many others like him that need assistance. Asking for help is an extremely hard step due to the attached stigma. Once they have asked for assistance, the process should be made easy for them to navigate. We should be helping them every step of the way. They shouldn’t have to fight a bureaucracy that is often way too difficult for most people to travel.

This war has been carried on the shoulders of only 1% of our country’s population. 1% has answered the call. Too many of our military men and women are committing suicide daily, landing in jail or prison, divorce rates are extremely high, cannot find a good job today because they cannot get the help they need when they need it.

What is wrong with this picture? What is wrong with the greatest nation on earth that our country cannot serve our veterans and their families in their darkest and most needed hour?

I will keep all posted. I appreciate your comments, both positive and negative. Thanks. See you in a week.

Burn out can happen to anyone whether you are a highly successful parent, business man or woman, combat veteran, military spouse, caregiver, student. Let me put it this way, if you are living and breathing you are susceptible to burn out.

Burn out is allowing your energy resources to be drained from you without replenishing its supply by taking care of yourself. It is necessary to honor your own being in giving yourself the highest priority of care. It’s not putting yourself on the list, putting everything above your own needs. Women are nurturers by nature; we want and feel like we need to take care of everybody else first.

Burn-out is usually a gradual process of stresses mounting over a period of time. Some of the signs of burnout may include: lack of energy, loss of interest in your favorite activities and routines, wanting to isolate from social events, feeling sluggish, depressed, overwhelmed, helpless, hopeless and all alone. You may want to quit give-up and have suicidal thoughts.

Suicidal thoughts I believe is far more common than not, it’s very under reported because we don’t want to think that we have really pushed ourselves beyond our limits. We want to believe we can handle whatever comes our way.

All of these have happened to me and these thoughts have gone through my head at various stages of my life. Sometimes I believed there was no glimmer of hope anywhere for me. Why didn’t I quit, give up or commit suicide?

At times I really didn’t know what kept me going, but something did. I managed to work my way out one very small step at a time, moving forward and sliding backward a lot. When I had my nervous breakdowns, I ended up in the hospital. It wasn’t easy even with my strong faith. I never confided in anyone about these deep dark feelings because I was ashamed and fearful that people would think I was crazy. Falling into the bowels of hell during the worst times in my life, trying to claw my way out of despair is not an easy process.

There were times I doubted my own faith. Why did I have these difficult issues when others seemed to fly through life with ease? My mother use to say, “Oh, that family doesn’t have any problems.” So I grew up thinking that was true. It took some years for me to understand this perspective was so far from reality.

The actuality is that everyone has challenges, issues and trauma both great and small to fight through, jump over or even avoid. Each of us is given challenges to overcome to help us grow and stretch. To mature and find out how much strength we really have.

There is a well-known saying that states, “God doesn’t give us any more than we can handle,”  I believed that until I heard a man speak stating that he believed we ARE given more than we can handle so that we will reach out to others, God, a higher power, the universe for help. There is a power much stronger than us to help us on our journey.  Whether it’s reaching out, reaching up or reaching deep within ourselves, there is help along the way.

Reaching out to nature, family, friends, support groups that understand your specific needs, your church, professionals, reading inspirational books, researching the internet are places where you may find help. Releasing stress by breathing deeply and letting the stress go can be of great benefit.

It is critical to clear out the negative thinking that can cloud the beauty of your own precious soul. It’s paramount to forgive yourself of your short comings, faults and failures. Then, it’s time to open you heart and allow all the love of the universe to flood your soul so you can move forward and fulfill your special purpose.

So many times we carry burdens that need to be let go. The past is done; make your amends forgive yourself and others. Live in the present, the only part of the day we have any control. The future hasn’t happened so worrying about it isn’t going to help. Living in this very moment, doing our best in that moment is the only way we can change our destiny.

OHIO Regional Leader of HIREPATRIOTS.COM

In The Red Chair is a must see short documentary movie featuring Brian C. Fleming. Brian was fresh out of high school and sacrificed several promising college opportunities to join the U.S. Army. He believed it was his duty to serve our country and knew he would be assigned to Afghanistan. A few months before his deployment he married his sweetheart.

While deployed he was blown-up twice. The second incident was by a suicide bomber ending his combat tour. Brian sustained a brain injury along with second and third degree burns to his face and hands. He was medically evacuated to Brooke Army Medical Center in San Antonio, Texas for fourteen months of painful medical treatment, reconstructive surgeries and rehabilitation.

This heart moving film interviews both Brian and his wife, Jamie In The Red Chair allowing each of them to tell their own personal story from their  perspective. They share with us their love story, the separation and how Brian came home a much different man than the one she fell in love with.

This movie is filled with fresh raw emotions and candor of this young couple who has endured the harsh realities of war. It is professionally produced by ColdWater Media and is extremely well done.

Brian C. Fleming and Jamie are the proud parents of two young children. Brian is the author of “Never the Same” and other books and is in high demand as a speaker. Learn more about Brian watch the movie trailer and order your own copy IN THE RED CHAIR at Brian’s website at http://www.blownupguy.com

Recently, I had the privilege of being a guest on PEAK MINDSET RADIO SHOW hosted by Jason Turner. Besides being a radio host, Jason specializes in coaching business owners in marketing their business. I was happy to make contact with him since marketing is one of my greatest weaknesses.  Jason is a U.S. Air Force veteran, served in Iraq, huge San Francisco 49er fan and is a fellow team leader with HIREPATRIOTS.COM a FREE job board and non-profit that provides job opportunities for our military.  We connected very easily on many levels. Jason’s co-host, Ro, was a lot of fun and until I found out she is a huge New York Giants fan. Since the GIANTS had just beaten the 49ers in the divisional playoffs the previous weekend, Jason and I tried to ignore her.

Seriously, I had a great time sharing my story of HOPE BEYOND TRAUMA with them about my daughter’s automobile accident sustaining severe brain injuries, the difficult rehabilitation process and my youngest son serving six tours in Iraq and Afghanistan. I shared our family’s struggles, failures and triumph. HBT’s passion to empower lives after major trauma, why I wrote the book and founded HOPE BEYOND TRAUMA. I learned Ro had a similar journey and was her father’s caregiver for seven years and her son had served three tours in this war on terror.  I had to forgive her for being a GIANTS fan. Jason served in Iraq and protected our freedom. My hats off to them!

Since I have a great fear and feel totally overwhelmed with marketing, I signed up for Jason’s PEAK MINDSET Coaching Services after the show. Jason is focusing on my business’ specific needs and taking me by the hand each step of the way. I felt so relieved after just one session. Thank you Jason! If you need someone to help you with marketing, I highly recommend his coaching services! Contact Jason today and tell him, Janie sent you!!

Hear the replay of our half hour of fun with Jason and Ro at Peak Mindset Radio.http://www.blogtalkradio.com/peakmindset/2012/01/25/hope-beyond-trauma-with-janie-smith

If you have a great business or personal story Jason would love to have you on his show. He and Ro are great hosts and you will have a awesome time! Click on this link for more information http://www.peakmindset.com/?page_id=965

Winston Churchill once said “Success is nothing more than going from one failure to the next!” What a thought! When put into that context… then why have I been SO afraid of failure?

In our culture, success is emphasized more than failure. To fail is not something we cheer about. It is depressing and sometimes downright humiliating. We set our sails to succeed with great enthusiasm, and then when we fail, we tear ourselves apart and sit in defeat. INSTEAD, we should be congratulating ourselves for the attempt and be energized by the tremendous learning experience.

Oprah stated “…I have never failed. I only had very intense learning experiences.” Great people fail many times over, great people learn from their failures, and they try again and again, or start new projects with those lessons kept in mind. In other words…great people are ordinary people who are constantly failing, learning, growing and stretching their experience way beyond their comfort zone.

How many walked the first time you tried? How many times did you fall before you succeeded? Somehow we forget those lessons we learned so long ago. We were young and so full of energy; NOTHING was going to stop us from picking ourselves up and trying again and again.

I need to remember to cheer my failings. Pat myself on the back for trying. Take those important lessons and do it better the next time around. My roommate in college worked for a book company that solicited door to door. If the person answering the door was upset, angry or slammed the door in her face, this company taught her that they should jump up and yell “hooray” and happily go on to the next door! At the time I thought this was really strange. Now, I have a much different opinion.
Personally, I have been on a mission. It is my passion to help those facing major trauma. Through my own struggles and many failures, I have empathy for those facing similar challenges. I can identify with them and have great compassion. Because of my intense learning experiences I will be able to give them HOPE that they too can triumph after many failures, heartache and pain.

After my injury my mind was going in so many directions.  ‘What is my life going to be like now,’ I’d ask myself?  There were so many things that were “wrong” with me; where was I to start?  I didn’t want to listen to the doctors or psychiatrists because they weren’t telling me what I wanted to hear.  For me, in some ways that was good.  They were being so negative that if I did listen to them, I wouldn’t be as independent as I am now.

When I heard their negativity, it made me work that much harder- give that obstacle 150% of my effort to prove them wrong.  Not all of their direction was bad.  Yes, things that they did tell me, no matter how hard I attempted to prove them wrong, it wouldn’t get accomplished.  I prayed, the works.  “Please, Dear Lord, if you let me accomplish this or that; I’ll give you anything.”

He did let me accomplish this or that.  Not everything that was asked for I got.  That’s just life.  In return I have given Him an awesome woman who puts her best out in the work she does.  I give my best in EVERYTHING I do both professionally and personally.  I don’t hesitate in letting the ones I care about know it either.  I can’t count the number of times I say, “I Love You” to my loved ones.  This is because you never know when it’s going to be your last time to share those feelings.

Cognitive tools: the next few issues are going to be about tools we can use to help our ability to focus. You will hopefully find that having tools to help your attention and focus will pay off in the long run. These tools work in different ways:

PEAT stands for “Planning and Execution Assistant and Trainer. This is a program that works on an Android phone. PEAT is the only planner that actually plans. You set up the time frames for all the things that you want to do (like eat breakfast for 30 minutes every day from 8-10 a.m., or a doctor’s appt. from 2:00 – 3:00 this Wednesday) and how important that task is; PEAT plans your day for you. If you want to change it (“I have a little time: I’ll wash the dishes now.”), you just “start” the dishes task in PEAT and you do it: PEAT automatically shuffles the other tasks around so you can do them as well (given that you have the time). Or let’s say you have 10:00 and 2:00 one hour doctor appts.; you put “do the laundry” between them because you know you can do the laundry in just a couple of hours. But let’s say your first doctor appt. runs over an hour or two: now you don’t have the time to finish the laundry in time for the second appt. This is the type of problem that people run into all the time; for us folks with TBI it can really mess us up. But not with PEAT; if PEAT sees that there’s not enough time for the laundry to finish, it’ll move the laundry to after the second appt. and will put all the lower priority things you were going to do after the second appt. between the two doctors‘ appts. And you aren’t tied to “the schedule”: if you want to do something ahead of time or if you want

PEAT was designed by a NASA scientist, Rich Levinson, to solve some problems they had with space missions (like with the Lunar Rover and the Mars Explorer): first, they had to figure out a way to have the craft “think” (plan) for when it was so far from home. If it was headed for a crater edge, it had to know to stop, because by the time the it told NASA that it was moving towards a crater and they said “Stop!” (so many millions of miles away), it would be over the edge. So it had to know that when it sees a crater, it shouldn’t keep going over the edge. Second, there are Martian storms that can block out the sun for a long time. The Rover’s batteries weren’t enough to power all the experiments, so it had to be able to choose the experiments that it had or should keep going and postpone all the tasks that weren’t so time-sensitive. When NASA didn’t need this technology so much, he was encouraged to take the technology out to the world. He came to a couple of support groups I was leading (one for TBI and one for MBI [Mild Brain Injury] {which, by the way, is not “mild” at all}. He came in with the ideas he had and then listened to us (how’s that for unusual); he took lots of notes and came back again and again until he had an idea of what we survivors wanted, as well as what we didn’t want; PEAT was born.

Besides the basic planning element in PEAT, there are many other cool things that it does. It has all your contacts and all your notes, so when you need to go to the bank, you can click on an icon and see where the bank is; and if you note some information about that task, you can put that info in the “notes” section. Both your contacts and your notes can be linked to each other and to tasks,  so if you want to connect a name (say of a friend) with a note (what you want to say to that friend) or to other names (friends you see with that person), it’s very easy to do. You can also put in a picture and/or a recording of a contact to help you remember who s/he is.

Because some of us need more help than a cue, PEAT has all sorts of options for all it’s parts, so if you don’t want to be able to reschedule an appointment, it is easy to change this so that, as you improve over time, you can use more and more of what PEAT has to offer.

There’s lots and lots of other features of PEAT that I don’t have the space to go over, check it out (brainaid.com).

“I have learned not to dwell too long on the “shoulds,” since they only rob me of my energy and fuel my bitterness. They also take away whatever good there is in today.” –Janie Smith

Are you dwelling too much on the “shoulds” in life? For example,  “I should have done _________” If I would have done _______, that would not have happened. If this tragedy had not occurred, I could have become __________.  If I had made better decisions or acted in another way, then I would have had more opportunities to ________. Fill in the blanks. If you are like me, this is very easy to do.

What we did, we did. What happened happened! The real question we need to focus on is how I can turn this major tragedy, mistake, failure or decision into a positive. The former Prime Minister Winston Churchill stated, “Success is often nothing more than moving from one failure to the next with undiminished enthusiasm.”

I love watching the television show “Dancing with the Stars.” I believe one of the key reasons this show is such a success is that it shows practice dance sessions.  It documents their successes along with their many failures, insecurities, and challenges. Most of the celebrities are doing something way out of their comfort zone.  They don’t know how they can face the pressures of performing in front of a live audience and millions of viewers. However; no matter what happened during grueling practice sessions the previous week, they fight through their fears and insecurities and perform. The audience supports and applauds their performance because they had the opportunity to view the difficult challenges the performer endured.

This season J.R. Martinez is a fan favorite to win this event. An Army veteran, J. R. was critically wounded in Iraq in 2003 at the age of 19. A bomb exploded and burned over 40 percent of his body. His handsome face and body was severely disfigured. There was a time he wished he had died. Through the support of his family, friends, helping others, listening to his own wisdom and taking action he is now living a full life. I’m sure he failed many times because we all do.  Then he decided to pick himself up and move forward.

J. R. exudes joy and possesses a beautiful energy that it affects all those around him. He could not have done that if he stayed in the place of “what should have been if he had not been severely injured and disfigured.”  By walking through the fire, he gained incredible wisdom and joy that is illuminating the lives of other soldiers who have been severely injured. He is a living testament that life is to be lived no matter what tragic circumstances happened to him.

J.R. could not have accomplished these amazing goals if he stayed in the place of self-pity, or if continued to question his actions. He would have never had the opportunity in 2008 to portray a real life veteran, on the ABC daytime soap “All My Children.”  If J.R. stayed in the place of regret, the opportunity for “Dancing with the Stars” would have never come his way. I would have not had the pleasure of watching him dance with an energy and joy as if he has the wings of an angel.

We are all human, and I believe we can ask ourselves these questions for a time. Then it’s time to let it go and choose to learn the lessons. To linger on this for months and years on end is really a waste of your time and energy. To live in a place of regret will not allow your spirit to rise above the circumstances and fly.

I want my spirit to soar. I want my positive energies to be felt by others. I hope you do too, because you possess a beautiful spirit and energy that the universe needs. I’m so glad J.R. Martinez decided to move forward no matter what obstacles were in his path, I hope you do too. I want to see you soar!

Impulse control is one of the topics that gets families the most upset: often they’re OK with the concentration and communication problems, but the impulsiveness wears them down. We survivors will find our lives, in the long run, much easier and more fulfilling when we work (hard and diligently) into improving our social skills. We will find, as I did, that “going off” just doesn’t work: it hurts as we do it and it hurts even more later, when people start avoiding us and we start losing friends and hurting our family and loved ones. I know I lost a number of friends through my impulsiveness, my anger and my depression.

Brain injury often involves acting out angrily or otherwise inappropriately. If we want to keep our relationships with people intact, we need to learn to control ourselves. I have some tips below, but the main idea behind these is that we survivors need to start “thinking ahead” rather than responding.

Here’s some things that we can do to take control of our impulses. Counting to ten does help! By giving ourselves time to process the information we’re getting, we can then decide more rationally how to react.

Another tactic is to “consider the source”: that is, think about what you know about the person. Usually you will find that that person is behaving predictably: in other words, they are just being who they are (nasty as that might be). My wife Shirley coined an expression: “Those who expect irrational people to behave rationally are themselves being irrational.”